Why am I here? I don’t even like these people. Dani glanced around the room. The music mixed with all of the indecipherable conversations and pressed in on her. The noise and the dim and colorful lights felt like they were squeezing her head and tightening an invisible corset around her chest. Overwhelming wasn’t enough to describe the feeling, overstimulated had become a sort of trigger word that lost it’s value and actual meaning. Dani could only describe it as if her lungs were full of sand and her eyes were about to retreat inside of her head.
“What’s going on over here?” Charlotte said in a high pitched playful voice.
She flounced over to where Dani was seated. Her beautiful blonde hair hanging in curls down her back, complemented by the deep blue of her tight mini dress.
Dani pasted a smile on her face and forced her eyes not to look dead, “Just hangin’ out. I see you found the spiked punch bowl.”
“My love, I spiked the bowl.” She laughed taking another sip from her cup. She perched on the arm of the couch next to Dani and draped an arm over the back behind her. “Why are you sitting here like a sad sack? Don’t lie to me I can tell when you’re forcing it.” She said raising an eyebrow.
Even completely wasted Charlotte could see through her, Dani’s heart swelled. Something about knowing that at least one person loved her enough to read her face so well. On the other hand, she didn’t care for how easy it was to be called out by Charlotte.
“You know I don’t like parties. I don’t know anyone here but you.” Dani said, dropping the obviously fake smile.
“That’s not true! Isn’t that guy in your Art History class? John or something like that?” Charlotte said pointing to a guy standing across the room.
“His name is Dex, where the hell did you come up with John?”
“Ah I knew it!” A shit eating grin spread across her lips. “I knew his name, but I know how you like to pretend no man is worth your interest. I saw you staring and I had to test you.”
Dani looked at Charlotte and gave her a disapproving stare before turning her attention back to Dex. She had been staring but not for the reason Charlotte thought. He stood near the sliding glass door with a cup in his hand, leaning up against a wall talking to a petite brunette in a pink skirt. She felt irritation at the way he looked at the girl. He thought he was hot shit and his eyes roamed all over her, not paying an ounce of attention to what the girl was saying.
Dani watched, as the girl slowly realized he was only waiting for the opportunity to ask her to join him in some “adult activities”. Dani saw her face changed from disappointment, to acceptance as she took his hand and left. Dani felt a small sadness well up inside her. She’d been there before, submitting herself to sex in the hope that he would be more interested in her after it was out of his system. Allowing it to happen, because it’s the only way he’ll stay just a little longer.
If he just talks to me a little while he’ll know I’m worth his time. If he gets to know me he’ll like me I just have to get him to stay. She shuttered remembering the way she used to think. How desperate she was for someone to really love her. How she used to give everything hoping that someone would see her heart and want her forever.
This way of thinking led her down a self-destructive path of regret. Deteriorating day by day and becoming more and more lonely. Then came Charlotte. Waltzing into her life, opening the windows and letting in the light. Cleaning up the mess and putting the pieces back together until she was Dani again – or some new version of her, full of cracks and holes.
Charlotte. She saw something in the rubble that was worth saving. Charlotte looked at the catastrophe and saw Dani, straight through to her soul. Dani had been falling ever since.
Dani peaked at Charlotte from the corner of her eye and admired her striking profile. Her gorgeous upturned nose, full lips, and small round chin. Her beloved Charlotte put her together, but unknowingly kept her heart. Dani swore she could only feel it beating when Charlotte was nearby, the only time she felt alive. Charlotte stole all of the space in a room every time she walked in. She could make a football stadium feel like a broom closet, and Dani loved that.
Leave it to me to be in an unrequited love situation. I am quite the romantic, of course my love life would manifest as a cheesy novel. Dani thought somewhat bitterly. She had worked up the courage to confess to Charlotte once, as she was about to tell her Charlotte bubbled out that she had just met a new guy and gushed about how well it was going. Probably the only time Dani has successfully hidden disappointment from her friend. She vowed that she would never try to tell her again. As much as Dani wanted Charlotte, she was her friend first and cared about her.
Charlotte turned and looked at Dani. “What?” Charlotte said with a teasing smile.
Dani had, without realizing it, turned full face to Charlotte and was gawking at her. “Just admiring how beautiful my best friend is.” Dani said, finally forming a genuine smile. It was true, her best friend in the whole world – so smart and kind, was insanely beautiful.
“Shut up!” Charlotte said through a laugh and climbed into Dani’s lap.
Like most girl friends, their friendship was very affectionate. Dani wrapped her arms around Charlotte’s waist and felt a pang of guilt for enjoying it so much. She knew Charlotte was physically affectionate because they were both girls, and she knew Charlotte was unaware of the thoughts that swirled in Dani’s head every time they touched.
Dani battled an internal argument in her head
If she knew what you felt she wouldn’t touch you like this. You’re taking advantage of her by allowing this. If she ever finds out how you feel she is going to feel SO violated and hate you. Then you’ll lose the only person who has ever loved you like this.
“Are you ready to go home? I can see you scowling.” Dani looked up to see Charlotte staring at her with an amused expression. Charlotte stood up, leaving a cold space where her warmth had just been. She took Dani’s hand and they walked out of the frat house together.
As soon as they were out of the front door Dani’s chest expanded with the first deep breath she had taken since they arrived. She was keenly aware of Charlotte’s delicate hand still holding hers, granted Charlotte was still drunk and likely not even aware that their fingers were still intertwined.
“You gotta drive you know that right?” Charlotte said slightly stumbling.
Dani let out a laugh seeing how trashed Charlotte really was. “Yes, I know I have to drive. Get in the car, Bimbo.”
Charlotte tumbled into the front seat haphazardly and Dani leaned over her to buckle her in. Charlotte’s eyes were glazing over as the alcohol started settling in.
Dani finished buckling in Charlotte and started pulling herself out of the car when Charlotte grabbed her gently by the elbow. Dani met her gaze and saw an expression on Charlotte’s face she couldn’t place.
“What’s wrong?” Dani asked feeling a small spark of panic.
“I just love you, you’re my best friend.” Charlotte said softly, still staring intently at Dani.
Dani felt her stomach drop and tumble. Charlotte tells you she loves you all the time, calm down!
No, this is definitely different. look at her face.
She’s drunk! She’s concentrating on keeping her vision focused, get your head out of your ass.
As Dani was battling in this invisible war in her head Charlotte lean forward and kissed her cheek and sat back giggling. “You look so serious all the time! Take a chill pill.”
Dani kissed the top of Charlotte’s head and closed the door. Walking around to the driver’s side she shook her head, see? It was nothing, you know Charlotte loves you.
By the time Dani got in the front seat and buckled up Charlotte had passed out. Laying her head on her arm against the window, she looked so sweet and so beautiful. Dani wondered what it would be like to call this amazing person her girlfriend. To go on real dates, to love her openly and honestly, to hold her in the best and worst days. She thought about how she wanted to be Charlotte’s hero, she wanted to give her strength, and security. She wanted to pour her love on her like warm honey… Honey, sweet honey – Charlotte probably tastes like honey.
NOPE! We are not doing this. Dani shut the fantasy down as quickly as it came and started the ignition. As she pulled away from the curb the thought kept coming back… honey, honey, honey…