CHARLOTTE
Charlotte tumbled out of bed at 1pm the next day. Her head was heavy and pounding and her stomach rolled with every movement.
She knew better than to drink like this. She knew better than to let herself lose control, and she almost did.
She shuffled through her fuzzy memories of the night prior. Dear God, she almost kissed Dani! The alcohol made her feel brave, Dani had been taking care of her, buckling her into the car and being so attentive. She vaguely remembered Dani helping her to bed and tucking her in. She wanted to beg Dani to stay, to hold her until morning, but she couldn’t get the words out.
Charlotte was always the one saving people, always the one taking care of others for as long as she could remember. Taking care of her younger brother by the time she was eight and tending to her mother’s erratic emotional needs. She didn’t know how to be vulnerable, she didn’t know how to need someone. She longed for it, she so desperately wanted someone to take the weight off her shoulders. She needed a person who could let her fall apart, someone who would hold her so tightly the pieces would fuse back together.
The only person who had ever done that was Dani. Charlotte never let herself come unglued in front of anyone, but Dani had been there during her last breakup with Ian. Charlotte kept it together enough to get the story out, and Dani held her while she cried. She spent the whole weekend laying in bed with Charlotte, watching chick flicks, only leaving to bring back junk food. They printed off a picture of Ian’s stupid face and passed it back and forth writing and drawing on it and laughing at how terrible they made him look.
By the following Monday she had gone back to her regular self, sure she still had a broken heart, but it was easier to hide. Then, Dani went back to sleeping in her own room across the hall. Charlotte’s bed had never felt so big and empty. Sleeping with Dani’s arms around her was the most comfort she had ever experienced. Waking up next to her and chatting before getting up for breakfast made Charlotte feel whole and oddly excited. It felt so right to share such an intimate space with Dani.
Charlotte fell for Dani the day she met her. At first, she shrugged those feelings off – she seemed to adore broken men, probably the same reason she had feelings like that for this girl. Dani had been shattered and running straight into her demise when Charlotte found her. High as a kite and being led to a car surrounded by three men by a sketchy looking character.
Charlotte had rushed over to Dani’s side. “Oh my god I’ve been looking everywhere for you! You said we were meeting at Rhythm what are you doing here? Thank God you still had your location on or I wouldn’t have found you!” she scolded.
“Thank you so much, I’ve got it from here.” she said to the man escorting Dani. He eyed her warily, as if trying to decide if they really knew each other or not. Charlotte didn’t wait for him to figure it out before she took Dani’s arm and draped it over her shoulder and dragged her in the opposite direction of the car.
She hailed a cab and took Dani back to her apartment. She gently laid her on the couch and watched over her until the drugs started wearing off and Dani’s breathing regulated. She seemed so small and fragile. Charlotte saw how hurt this poor girl was and her heart wrenched. Beyond the smeared makeup and tangled hair she could see how beautiful she was. A button nose and full bowed lips in a heart shaped face. She looks like summer. Was what Charlotte had though admiring her warm tan skin and thick black hair.
The next morning when Dani woke up Charlotte filled her in on the precarious situation she was in last night. After feeding her a breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast they continued talking. Charlotte discovered that Dani had just been evicted from her apartment the day before and had only walked into that bar, because she didn’t want to be wandering around outside. Charlotte offered the spare room to Dani, and after some coaxing she agreed. She didn’t have anything to move in, but fortunately Charlotte already had a bed in there and gave her some clothes she was planning on donating.
Over the next few months they had become thick as thieves. They knew everything about each others lives from start to finish. Charlotte’s crazy mom and Dani’s absent one. Charlotte’s life being her brother’s keeper and Dani’s life as an only child. Their connection was so natural and so right.
After Dani had gotten back on her feet and straightened out her mental health Charlotte’s feelings only grew. She convinced Dani that they should still be roommates, they could just get a bigger apartment – so that’s what they did. Three years later and Charlotte would still feel her heart jump into her throat every time Dani came home. A strange tension would form in her belly when Dani would snuggle up to her on the couch.
She wasn’t unfamiliar with the emotions running through her body, only confused because she had never felt them for a woman before. A year after their friendship began she finally admitted to herself that she was in love with her best friend.
When Dani would walk out of her room in only a t-shirt and panties Charlotte had a hard time looking away. Deep primal feelings would build up inside her body – that was new. Charlotte had always been a sub with no interest in taking control, but when Dani would stretch her arms above her head, arching her back and reaching up to her tip-toes, Charlotte’s mind exploded with how she wanted to tie her to the headboard and hold a thigh in each hand. Her ears would ring imagining the sounds she could draw from Dani’s perfect mouth.
Now she felt a sort of shame walking out of her room. She must’ve made her feel so uncomfortable, Dani was probably waiting to confront her about it and tell her she didn’t like her that way.
Dani was just walking in the door as Charlotte plopped on the couch.
“I brought you nuggets!” Dani said in a sing song voice. “I knew you’d be up around now, I timed that perfectly!”
“You are such an angel! God, I love you.” Charlotte shut her mouth after the last sentence. She told Dani she loved her all the time, but last night when she said it, she meant it differently. Being drunk had caused her to read into the looks Dani was giving her, it emboldened her and convinced her that Dani shared this attraction. She had wanted to kiss her in the car, her heart hammered in her chest and she told her that she loved her. One look at Dani’s expression – even in her befuddled state – she knew that Dani didn’t return her feelings. She covered the confession as best as she could, brushing it off as nothing more than their normal professions of platonic love.
She looked up at Dani and took the fast food bag from her hand and tried to get a sense of whether or not things were weird. Dani was normal, no hint of any broken friendship or awkwardness. Charlotte sucked in a deep breath and let herself relax. Never again would she come that close to telling her. Ruining what they had wasn’t worth it, she would rather be her friend than nothing at all. Even if that meant being her maid of honor someday and watching her build a family and a life without her.
Charlotte’s heart cracked a little, remembering that eventually these days would come to an end. Sooner or later Dani would move, and Charlotte would release her into someone else’s arms. She only hoped that the person so lucky to love Dani would do it right.